Monday, June 6, 2011

End of the long weekend thoughts

 Well, its late. I had a long weekend. I feel sort of distorted. It wasn't a very good weekend. Nothing bad happened or anything. But I don't know. I guess it was hot, and I had a bit to much time to play with.

We went to the beach (me and Sara). But somehow, she looked irritated, and then I felt irritated. And the thing about me and Sara is that we are terrible at communication, it is a wonder that we are still together, and still we haven't had a real fight yet. 

I felt irritated, so I said nothing. Then she reacted the same way. And then we walked on a happy and sunny beach, and we both said nothing. Finally we started talking, but by that time it was to late. At least for me, the day was ruined. And the ride home was a long one. 

We all have problems. And we all have expectations of others, and mostly ourselves. I don't know what is going on in her head, and I don't know what to demand (can I demand anyting?).

I guess in the long run, I have to figure out a way to calm down expectations of myself and others. Sara has her own life, her own problems, and together we solve them, or at least try to support each other. 

I suppose that on some level I would like more support as well. But you see, I'm a single child, I was raised to believe that the world (my parents and everyone around me) owes me all I need. I never learned to share etc. 

And this is a part of my personality. 

I figure, I need a lobotomy, extra strong cigarettes and a good nights sleep to make heads or tails from whatever my thoughts are trying to tell me.